A Day for Love

I have never really liked Valentines Day. As a teenager it just reminded me that I was alone and didn't have anyone to spend that special day with. Since meeting Mark, I have come to enjoy Valentines Day. I like to think of it as a day for love, friendship and family, and yesterday, I really felt loved in so many ways.

We never really planned to do anything special, money is tight and we can't really justify spending it on frivolity, so we agreed to forgo the celebration this year. That was until my mom called and told me she had sent us some money so we could have a nice night. We decided to get some good steaks, which we never do because they cost too much, and spend a nice romantic night in. The three of us spent the day together, grocery shopping mostly, but it's usually a chore I do on my own. Even the simple act of being together as we walked around the grocery store felt romantic. I bought us a bottle of wine, another thing we usually go without, and the saleswoman gave me a flower. A simple gesture, but one that so many of us take for granted. We drove home in silence, listening to love songs while Kaelin slept in the backseat and I felt blessed. I was holding hands with the love of my life, with two roses on my lap that my mom had insisted Mark pick up for Kaelin and I, and we were going to have a wonderful romantic night alone together.

Mark went for a nap when we got home, the normal result of a messed up weekend schedule after midnights, and I sat down for a while to relax before I started our late dinner. I sat down at the computer and noticed some photos on Facebook titled "For Jamie." My sister in law Holly, who is currently living in England, visited a garden that had been dedicated to lost babies and she thought of me. I was profoundly touched by one photo that she had dedicated to Perrin and Matteson, of a memorial plaque from two parents to their lost baby. In front of the plaque, Holly had placed two flowers, one for each of my sons, and taken a photo. A small gesture, to many, but for me it was such an incredible thing for anyone to have done for my sons, and for me. I've spoken to my counsellor about my sorrow and anger that no-one will ever acknowledge the place my sons had on this earth. She told me that I have to let go of what others think or say, and only acknowledge that I give the babies a place. Yesterday, on the day of love, my sister in law acknowledged that my sweet baby boys deserved to be remembered and missed, and that someone other than Mark and I, was thinking of them.

I am truly blessed. I am going to strive to take my blessings into the world, and bestow the small gestures on the people I encounter in my life. It may be a small gesture to me, but to someone else, it might be the greatest gift I could ever give. I don't always remember to say it, but thank you to everyone who touches my life. Your love and friendship mean more to me than you can ever imagine.